Without Hope

My sister, Hope’s name has always been one of the unique things about her. She loves the name because she can always find souvenirs with her name. Her name is also easily translated into different languages in Spanish she is known as Esperanza and Toivo in Finnish. Plus her name is really easy to put into all kind of sentences. “I ‘Hope’ it doesn’t rain today”, “’Hope’fully I get a lucky break”, and “You are our only ‘Hope’”. My sister has heard all of these puns and her reaction is to laugh politely and to then move on with her life. One of the phrases that Hope often hears comes from her husband, who often remarks, “Where would I be without ‘Hope’?” Where would the world be without my sister? I might not be able to answer what might the world be without Hope, but I can definitely think of the things that she has done to help the people around her.

To my parents Hope has always been the child that they haven't had to worry about. My parents whose first daughter had been a terror at night always worried if their second oldest, Hope, would have such trouble sleeping. Early on their fears were assuaged as they would often find that Hope would find her way to the crib and be sleeping long before my parents even thought of putting her down to sleep at night. If Hope hadn't been born then I feel like my parents would have been a little less likely to have more children. Plus my oldest sister would have missed having a younger sister that she could hangout with and treat as a friend.

Hope, my Mom, and Audrey.

When the two of my sisters were both younger the two of them hung out a lot. As the two of them got older, that wasn't always the case. But at a young age Hope and Audrey, my other sister, were always doing something with each other. The two sisters' escapades included choreographing dances together, filming skits, and making tons and tons of cookies. The two of them were inseparable and without Hope who knows what might have happened to Audrey.

Beyond the impact that Hope had on her sister there was also the impact that she had on me and my younger brother. As I stated before Hope might have softened my parents' hearts towards having more children, but beyond that there were other things that my sister did to help me and my brother. Mitchell, my brother, and I were always very close to my sister. When Hope was in high school Mitchell and I were making our way through the awkward years of middle school. During those years Hope was always a friend to the two of us helping us to not feel as weird about the future. She also acted as an inspiration by being a very good cross country and track runner and also a very talented flute player. Watching her made me and my brother want to be better at the things we were doing and gave us hope that things would get better down the road.

Me and Hope.

After Hope graduated from high school she met the most important person in her life. That person's name was Joe. Joe who was attending college ran into my sister at a party and the first thing Joe ever said to Hope was, "I heard your name was Esperanza." From what I've heard my sister wasn't too impressed to be called Esperanza by this boy she had just met. But with time Hope began to really like Joe a lot and the two of them spent tons of time together. Eventually they were married in the Salt Lake Temple.

 After a few years of marriage my sister gave birth to a baby boy. That baby boy is probably the happiest baby that I have ever seen and everybody thinks that he is absolutely adorable. Now at this point I can tell one thing for sure that wouldn't have happened if there was no Hope. That is that this baby boy wouldn't exist. Because Hope is definitely this boy's mother and no one else could be his mother no matter who they were or what skills they had. Without Hope there wouldn't be this kid and there would probably be lots of other things that wouldn't be. So what I can say is that without Hope in the world there wouldn't be as good of a world. Today I want to thank Hope for being my sister and for making the world a better place.

Hope, Joe, and their baby boy.

The Return

It's strange to think that it has been almost five weeks since I came home from my mission in Oregon. For two years my entire life had been dedicated to getting up at six thirty in the morning, studying my scriptures for two hours, and then spending the entire day talking to everyone that I could. Then at the end of that day it was back to my apartment to get some rest so that I could go out and repeat the day over and over. Now I'm not living on that same schedule. Most mornings I wake up at around eight o'clock (which is only a half hour later than waking up at 6:30 in Oregon), studying my scriptures has gone from two hours a day to about half an hour, and instead of teaching random people about the Gospel anymore I spend most of my time talking to my friends.

My family at the airport.

As a missionary I would often hear church members comment about how weird missionaries were when they got home. The members would talk about how these return missionaries didn't know how to interact with people of the opposite sex, couldn't tolerate mainstream music, or acted as if the whole world was weird. As a missionary comments like these seemed strange to me. Even though I was living with rules that seemed pretty "strict" for two years it didn't seem to me that a transition to home would be difficult. I was already socially awkward before I had left on my mission and I figured that when I got home that there was no way that I would be able to be more "weird" than when I left. Life after my mission was not going to be difficult or hard for me.

When I got off of the plane at the Salt Lake International Airport I was excited, I was about to go back to life as it had been before I left on my mission. When I came down the escalator and approached my family I came to see that things were not going to be the same as when I had left. The first couple of weeks after I got home I kept waking up at 6:30 am. This ruined my plan about sleeping in all the time when I got home. I was so tired of getting up early, but now I wasn't able to even sleep past the magical time of 6:30. That was very disappointing to me.

Plus on top of the sleeping in problem I found myself trying to listen to music that I had listened to before my mission. About two songs into an old playlist I found myself skipping through certain songs that I had listened to a lot. I asked myself the question, "Wow how did I listen to this stuff?" Soon I had a list of songs that I was no longer willing to listen to. As a missionary I had never thought that I would have said that about my music. I had been so excited to get home and listen to songs by Kesha and Pitbull. Now they weren't as exciting to me anymore.

Returning home for me has been hard. Finding things to do has been really hard as I've waited for the school year to start. Hugging girls has also been a little awkward for me, because I haven't been allowed to hug girls for the last two years. Certain things that I had found fairly easy to do have become hard for me and I never thought that they would be hard. The stories that I had heard from members were true, post-mission life is awkward.

Even though the transition has been tough I've come to see that the transition is necessary. I can't go out and do all of the things that I did as a missionary anymore. I can't go out knocking on doors, wear a white shirt and tie all the time, or go about not interacting with females anymore. It just can't happen anymore and to be honest I'm glad not to have to deal with those things. 

Of course there are certain things that I miss like all my scripture study. But I know that life has to go on and that the Lord has more things required of me in my life. Things that I can't do as a full-time missionary. Things like getting an education, getting married, having a family, and getting a job. Those are things that I can't do as a missionary. Plus many other things await me in my life and I will have to seek them out as I continue to live my life and strive to put the Gospel first.

Just like the transition to being a missionary was tough going back to normal life will always be hard, but it's alright. The Lord requires hard things from us and those hard things help to build us into what we need to be. Right now I'm starting to see what I can become, but the end is still along way off. But for now I'll be thankful with the hard things I had to do as a missionary and what my mission has already helped me to become.

Me and my Dad after two years.